Go Faster ................ Loose Weight

Christmas is over and the diet has begun. Those of you that know me know that I like fast bikes. It doesn't matter what you add to a bike to make it go faster the best way to increase speed is to loose something. WEIGHT. So who best to understand my problem than the Hairy Bikers. 

When I opened this Christmas present. My first reaction was to punch the person who bought it for me who suggested that I need to diet. The second was to try and decide who I most looked like. Perhaps I'm a morph of Si and Dave. Now my third reaction was to open the book. Great recipes well presented. May I suggest that you don't wait (or is that weight) to next Christmas to get this book.

After all that turkey. I thought I would have a go at this dish. All in one spicy pork and rice. Lovely. Is it me or do I now look less big in my leathers?

What's Cooking

I like hot spicy cooking but you cannot blame me for getting the wrong idea from this book. 

Sloppy Joes

I always go on about food looking good but what about sounding good as well. Some food with a french name just makes you want to give it taste, but it will probably turn out to be raw horse meat or frogs legs. So does Sloppy Joes fail on looks and sound? I guess yes, but then again food is really about the taste isn't it?

Sloppy Joes is an American favourite. Why do they spell "favourite" "favorite". Another difference between us and our American cousins.

This dish is messy, does not look great but is delicious. A change on a burger. Give it a try I am.

Something Fishy

What about a soup for a cold winter's day? Yeah right you say. Hot water with a bit of colour that tastes if you have left a sock in a pan to boil. I think something fishy is going on here. I'm guessing that you don't like soups. That has inspired me. How about giving a fish soup a try. Lumps of cod with Chinese mushrooms, sugar snap peas and a healthy dash of chilli. Warms you up lovely and makes you feel that you have eaten something.

Hot sweet and sticky with Nigella Dawson

Oh boys you are so naughty with your suggestions, but I do agree a sweet tart is enjoyable and I am happy to oblige with this treacle tart.

Bite into the crushed cornflakes and taste that sweet syrup. I know you like me hot but this tart is great hot or cold and perhaps with a dollop of cream on top.

I made these little ones for my friends to eat before going out clubbing. Size doesn't matter when something tastes this good. Enjoy

Cooking Blind by Geoffrey Ramsay

Auch I'm always getting F***ing questions about cooking. Its my job but why keep bothering me with your bloody questions.

Somebody asked me the other day about cooking blind. How the hell should I know. Look it up in a book I said. OK maybe I was a wee harsh but has anything in cooking got a more stupid name?

Well cooking blind is not about wearing a blindfold but after seeing some of the offerings dished up in this site being blindfold would help. Also the lack of taste buds would be great.

Cooking blind is about putting dried beans or dry rice on top of your dough. This stops the dough rising and gives a harder crispier base. Now stop bugging me. I need another dram of scotch.

Paella

What would you say a Paella is? In my view its like a Spanish version of a pizza. With a rice base you can put anything in it from chicken to prawns. On special occasions duck or rabbit would be used. Paella is great for sharing as this record paella shows. This paella fed 110,000 people.

On a smaller scale how about this the paella cooked up by my daughter. Smaller in scale but big in taste.

Lady Gaga does Kebabs

I went to London last weekend to go to a concert. Staying overnight in a hotel. But what was the thing that made the weekend. Yep a kebab.

What is it we like? The dried meat? the tons of onions that make you unapproachable for at least a day? I guess it is a case that we will eat anything late at night after a few beers.

It is now with sad news that Hate Cuisine reports that the "inventor" of the Donor Kebab has died. Kadir Nurman died age 80 in Berlin. Starting in 1972 in from a stall in West Berlin, the Donor Kebab has become Germany's favourite snack. Over 400 tons of Donor meat is sold in Germany everyday. I wonder what Kadir would have said to the latest incarnation of the kebab? Only Lady Gaga could have turned it into a art form. Beauty and taste is in the eye of the beholder but I think I will still need a few more beers and maybe a kebab before I listen to her music. "curry sauce with that?"

Human Hot Dog

Ever said I could eat a Horse? Well with the recent food scandals that happen more often than not. The latest hot dog dish to come out of MacBurger has taken the food taste to another level as it is made from human meat. The beard is optional.

Leroy Boots makes Graeme's Chilli Jam

I made this batch of Chilli Jam in the dragons den. I had my orders. Don't make a mess she said. Real pressure. Anyone will think I was after her money. I think I was forgiven though because it does taste good. Hot and sweet and great with cheese and biscuits. I don't think it will make me a millionaire so back to the day job on Monday.

Paprika Pork

Its not all about what a offering looks like but it does help. This meal failed on this count but it did taste good and that is what really matters. All in one pan as well.

Vietnam Tour

A first for Hate Cuisine. We are giving an endorsement to a Country. Vietnam is the place to see. From busy Hanoi to the splendour of Halong Bay to the restful Hoi An City and the historic Ho Chi Minh City. Then escaping the horns and hooters to go on the Mekong Delta.  The food is lovely and the service is great. Enjoy this clip. Put on your sound and PLAY IT LOUD OK!

Vietnam is a beautiful country noisy and friendly and like a guide told me although they haven't forgotten their history they are looking forward. Hate Cuisine is pleased to say "Give it a try"

Massive Pear and Big Cox

Apart from seeing a dazzling array of farmyard animals, a butterfly room and creepy crawlies, http://www.rarebreeds.org.uk/ also 

boasts bottles of Big Cox and Massive Pears!

RoadKill

Have you noticed how I changed the font colour to do a bit about this subject? Red and roadkill seemed to go.

I love America but why is it they spell colour color? They do and say things different to us although we supposedly use the same language. 

Montana has just passed a law that citizens can collect their roadkill which could include deer, elk and moose and take it home to eat. (thank you Daily Telegraph)

How close do we come to roadkill in the UK? Perhaps we manage to avoid the mad dashing squirrel running across in front of us as we come out of the supermarket. But we are not likely to see any Elk on the side of the road

What would I do if I came across a moose lying dead in the road? Perhaps a neat 3 point turn in the road back to the supermarket to buy some frozen chicken.

Safe driving and waste not want not.

Being a chef actually pretty easy

Being a chef actually pretty easy

Click on the link above to read the article in the Daily Mash quoting Chef Tom Logan.

I just wanted to add some bits to what he has said. Don't you find that some Chefs act like rock stars? Have we ever seen Bono and Jamie Oliver in the same room together? Are they the same person?

Joking aside I couldn't take the pressure working in a commercial kitchen. In fact I get stressed just cooking these simple dishes and what is it about hacking an onion to bits that brings me to tears?

Check out the article brings Chefs back down to earth anyway 

Satay Pork with Crunch Apple Salad

When I cook things I try and get them to look good and taste lovely. Cannot say I always hit the mark which is why I try and add pictures of girls in little clothing to this site to distract from the food on offer. Well I haven't been able to do that ploy this time and the Satay Pork is definitely a let down in the looks department. But what famous cook said "looks is skin deep?" 

The saving grace with this meal was that it tasted better than it looked.

Anyway I forgot that other saving grace about this dish. It was easy to do and pork and apple is a bit like eggs and bacon. They go together so give it a try

Jerk Chicken at the Notting Hill Carnival

Seeing all these lovely girls dressed like this on a hot day in London just makes you hungry. Well it is a food site so I had to put in the bit about eating. It is well known that I enjoy street food and at a carnival with loud music there is nothing better that jerk chicken?

Sizzling Summer Cod followed by Cookie-dough Crumble by Nick Stein

I have read with the interest the various menus dish up on this site and I'm disappointed to find the absence of fish. OK you have your fish and chips but how about given this cod dish a try. All these vegetables with the cod all end up in one pan. Easy and a light dish that will impress.

 

Follow the fish with a mixed fruit crumble. I have topped this with chocolate cookie-dough. The melted chocolate. Its a favourite of Nigella's. Just mention chocolate and she is round. Anyway way give fish a go and not just out of a bag with chips.

Its not what you drink but how you drink it

Hate Cuisine enjoys food and drink but its not just about the eating and drinking its also how you go about it. The company, the chat and perhaps when it comes to drinking the glass you drink from that makes it an occasion to enjoy. So what about these glasses as a suggestion. Found some of them on the Toxel.com site. 

I was only moaning the other day about what has happened to the Beer Jug. Do you remember the days when you went to the Pub and was asked do you want your pint in a straight glass or a jug. Is it not "PC" to say this now or are jugs more expensive?

Anyway as another suggestion how about this home improvement. Wash and have a drink at the same time perhaps?

Hate Cuisine in Praise of Fast Food

Hate Cuisine has always been into fast food. Ever had a greasy burger standing in the cold just before going to watch a football game? What is it about eating food from a bit of grease proof paper or if you are lucky from a tray that we like.

Ok fast food has its haters but the pop art has thrived from it. Banksy and his anti McDonalds work springs to mind. So here at Hate Cuisine we are going to praise fast food and suggest you go out and get a burger with fries.